Right out of the oven:

In case you're still looking for Christmas gift ideas for that special someone in your life, Demeter Fragrance Library proudly presents: Play-Doh Cologne...Kangaroo quits his "mob" in favor of making humans look stupid...British teacher in Sudan executes "poor judgment" (otherwise known everywhere else in our solar system as completely rational, sane judgment) by letting her 7-year old pupils select the "M-name" to recognize their class, ahem, teddy bear...Predictably, local radicals deem the prison sentence for her transgression too lenient and, instead, call for her execution ...Seemingly-can't-miss reverse penis-psychology (pop-up warning) fails to sway jury...As Steve Martin once exclaimed, "He hates these cans!" - to that, I give you, "He hates these ox testicles!"...Let's see, I've heard of dog fights, cock fights, prize fights, bull fights and cat fights, but sledgehammer fights?...And finally, fake-bar-employee slashes actual-bar-patron's face over unpaid $4.50 tab after they both got thrown out...

Seinfeldian moment of the week:

In an odd twist of fate, the formerly great Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams had yet another comeback cut short last Monday night. If it was anyone else, I would consider a routine, season-ending injury a shame, but given the bar this guy has set, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, what happened to the Ricky that used to compress himself in his locker due to a major psychological disorder? Or the Ricky that used to wear his eye-shielded football helmet while conducting post-game interviews? Or how 'bout the Ricky that decided to live in a tee pee? Whatever happened to the 2002 league rushing champion who gave it all up after declaring dope-smoking his #1 priority? I miss that Ricky. I was looking forward to welcoming that Ricky back into the fold.

Unfortunately for all of us out there awaiting the next head-scratching move from #34, he went quietly this time by running the ball on Monday night a mere 6 times. On his 5th run, he got "stepped on" and after attempting a 6th run, he left the game injured only to find out later that the torn chest muscle he received in the aforementioned "stepping" incident will render him out for the remainder of the season.

Wow, after 2 years in football purgatory (aka Canada), multiple off-the-field issues and a career that, thus far, closely resembles the EKG read-out of a heart-attack victim, I was expecting a little more than a season-ending game-related injury. He could have at least injured himself at home using a weed whacker (pun intended) or something. Oh well, at least he'll be back in 2008, healed up and ready to go. Well, maybe he'll be back...

Did you ever notice?

So, the other day The Smoking Cupcake was flipping through a recently purchased copy of MAD Magazine - yes, that MAD Magazine - and came across a very prescient observation: it used to be seen as honorable for pop-culture icons to avoid product endorsements and cool to speak their minds. That made me think...whatever happened to that code? Since reading that comic, I've noticed idiot pop-stars everywhere hawking clothes (Fergie), perfume (Diddy) and even cable subscriptions (Beyonce). Cable TV...you've got to be kidding me?! And of course, when pop stars endorse something remotely meaningful like, say, free speech (Dixie Chicks), they're boycotted and kicked out of the hive for creating a disturbance. So, to this I ask: If its inappropriate for me to hear The Dixie Chicks' opinions on The President, then how is it not inappropriate to hear how great Beyonce thinks Direct TV is? Does she know anything about microwaves and fiber-optics? My guess is a resounding no. So, why are poeple more inclined to take her word for choosing cable, yet scoff at the opinions of fellow taxpayers?

When did the priorities of our populace get so screwed up and what sort of example is it that we revere a pop star for telling us how great his vitamin drink is (50 Cent - glad to know he's into nutrition, I would have never figured...) yet show nothing but disdain for those that attempt to get people thinking about how screwed up their country is by exercising free speech? I think at somepoint someone on Madison Avenue, in collusion with Congress and the rest of the machine, said, "Hey, I've got a great idea, let's sucker people into surrendering their freedom of independent thought by taking these completely transparent opinion leaders and using their influence to sell the gullible sheep of America a bunch of crap they don't need! That way, they'll think they're super important, lose what little voice they have and inadvertently give up their self-determination though pacification and debt accumulation!" That (fascist) sounds (fascist) suspiciously (fascist) familiar (fascist)...

How and when this reversal of focus started would make for some startling revelations, I'm sure...or a killer dissertation.

You should check out:
Synthetik by Komputer...if you like Kraftwerk and/or were lucky enough to stumble over I Start Counting or Fortran 5 in the late 80's or 90's, this is the disc for you
Right out of the oven:

Driver's Ed instructor institutes unique training method involving a carrot and his pants...surfing the Internet often leads to finds of epic proportion; for example, did'ya ever notice the pimp in Superman: The Movie? What about Mr. Kinney from RoboCop? Or how 'bout those poor bastards Doctors Hunter, Kimball and Kaminsky from the U.S.S. Discovery?...When antelopes attack: Abe the Bongo Antelope gores handler with horns after disagreement over who was going to sleep in the barn...Woman hits giraffe with car in South Carolina; I've been telling people for years that those South Carolina giraffes are vicious...Local youths (or as Vincent Gambini would say, 'yutes) pull the old bait and switch, replacing man's elaborate Halloween display with giant can of Mountain Dew - someone needs to sign these boys up as Presidential campaign pranksters while there's still a chance...Poncho the alligator assists the Sweetwater, FL Police Department in burglary bust by eating perp...And finally, giving new meaning to that old adage about using everything you've got, Mario Gomez leads Vfb Stuttgart to victory with his penis...

Its shit like this that's gonna bring the situation to a head - The Jules Winnfield Observation of the Week:

Recent news of the Clinton campaign's event-question planting raises more than a few, uhm, questions and brings back several bad memories. In addition, the story appears to be gaining some traction, as it should, headlining on the front page of CNN.com throughout the day today (11/13) and appearing with varying levels of visibility on other outlets' sites such as The New York Times, FOX News and the L.A. Times. Surprisingly, the always-ready-to-bash- Democrats-named-Clinton FOX News rendered this story less important than Fred Thompson (speaking of needing some traction...) getting the National Right to Life Committee's endorsement. Perhaps FOX News is fair and balanced! Just kidding...the Cupcake's guess is that abortion stories trump Clinton-gaffe stories 9 out of 10 times in Conservative American media, especially on FOX News. In any event, I certainly hope this question-planting story gains a lot of traction because it highlights the main drawback I've had about Hillary from the very beginning, the very drawback I've been preaching to both my Republican and Democratic friends from the get-go: The artificiality and shiftiness of Hillary, and now her campaign, is something to be considered very seriously and something to be extremely concerned about. Don't vote blindly because you hate W or love Bill. Hillary is not the antithesis of W and makes Bill look like he invented the word genuine. The Smoking Cupcake is, of course, not going to run out and get on the Romney train or get box-seats the next time Barrack Obama's 2008 World Tour comes to town, but I am not going to blindly follow the center-left's obsession with getting Hillary (or any Democrat) elected at all costs for the sake of trying - and I stress the word trying - to undo the Bush administration's multiple failures if they can't walk the talk. Her candidacy, indeed her post-White House political career, has been nothing more than a well-orchestrated smoke and mirror show to get her to this point. She has to prove she's got ideas, as well as balls, and this incident supports the long-held notion that she's got neither. People wonder why this country is so apathetic when it comes to the way its led and who does the leading. You need look no further than students being strong-armed into suppressing their voices in exchange for status-quo campaign staff-fed questions so as to avoid making the candidate answer a legitimate inquiry. Where is Mr. Democratic Process in this scenario? Clearly, he's in the bathroom taking a dump, or perhaps he's off in a corner sleeping on the job. Who knows, but I'm not so idealistic to turn a blind eye to the fact that most campaigns do things like question-planting. The problem here is the slick and shifty way the campaign and the candidate have thus far dealt with this PR nightmare. My guess is, should she get elected, we would all do well to get used to the lack of genuineness and the sheer artificiality of the Hillary we've seen so far.

You should check out:

You don't need to know who Joy Division were, nor do you need to know who Ian Curtis was, to enjoy Control. Although I am admittedly partial to the band (and all of its offspring), this film is essential viewing. The fact that someone had the balls to even make it says it all...