Outpost Transmissions - Volume 9

12:52 PM • , , • 3 comments


Right out of the oven:

In case you're still looking for Christmas gift ideas for that special someone in your life, Demeter Fragrance Library proudly presents: Play-Doh Cologne...Kangaroo quits his "mob" in favor of making humans look stupid...British teacher in Sudan executes "poor judgment" (otherwise known everywhere else in our solar system as completely rational, sane judgment) by letting her 7-year old pupils select the "M-name" to recognize their class, ahem, teddy bear...Predictably, local radicals deem the prison sentence for her transgression too lenient and, instead, call for her execution ...Seemingly-can't-miss reverse penis-psychology (pop-up warning) fails to sway jury...As Steve Martin once exclaimed, "He hates these cans!" - to that, I give you, "He hates these ox testicles!"...Let's see, I've heard of dog fights, cock fights, prize fights, bull fights and cat fights, but sledgehammer fights?...And finally, fake-bar-employee slashes actual-bar-patron's face over unpaid $4.50 tab after they both got thrown out...

Seinfeldian moment of the week:

In an odd twist of fate, the formerly great Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams had yet another comeback cut short last Monday night. If it was anyone else, I would consider a routine, season-ending injury a shame, but given the bar this guy has set, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, what happened to the Ricky that used to compress himself in his locker due to a major psychological disorder? Or the Ricky that used to wear his eye-shielded football helmet while conducting post-game interviews? Or how 'bout the Ricky that decided to live in a tee pee? Whatever happened to the 2002 league rushing champion who gave it all up after declaring dope-smoking his #1 priority? I miss that Ricky. I was looking forward to welcoming that Ricky back into the fold.

Unfortunately for all of us out there awaiting the next head-scratching move from #34, he went quietly this time by running the ball on Monday night a mere 6 times. On his 5th run, he got "stepped on" and after attempting a 6th run, he left the game injured only to find out later that the torn chest muscle he received in the aforementioned "stepping" incident will render him out for the remainder of the season.

Wow, after 2 years in football purgatory (aka Canada), multiple off-the-field issues and a career that, thus far, closely resembles the EKG read-out of a heart-attack victim, I was expecting a little more than a season-ending game-related injury. He could have at least injured himself at home using a weed whacker (pun intended) or something. Oh well, at least he'll be back in 2008, healed up and ready to go. Well, maybe he'll be back...

Did you ever notice?

So, the other day The Smoking Cupcake was flipping through a recently purchased copy of MAD Magazine - yes, that MAD Magazine - and came across a very prescient observation: it used to be seen as honorable for pop-culture icons to avoid product endorsements and cool to speak their minds. That made me think...whatever happened to that code? Since reading that comic, I've noticed idiot pop-stars everywhere hawking clothes (Fergie), perfume (Diddy) and even cable subscriptions (Beyonce). Cable TV...you've got to be kidding me?! And of course, when pop stars endorse something remotely meaningful like, say, free speech (Dixie Chicks), they're boycotted and kicked out of the hive for creating a disturbance. So, to this I ask: If its inappropriate for me to hear The Dixie Chicks' opinions on The President, then how is it not inappropriate to hear how great Beyonce thinks Direct TV is? Does she know anything about microwaves and fiber-optics? My guess is a resounding no. So, why are poeple more inclined to take her word for choosing cable, yet scoff at the opinions of fellow taxpayers?

When did the priorities of our populace get so screwed up and what sort of example is it that we revere a pop star for telling us how great his vitamin drink is (50 Cent - glad to know he's into nutrition, I would have never figured...) yet show nothing but disdain for those that attempt to get people thinking about how screwed up their country is by exercising free speech? I think at somepoint someone on Madison Avenue, in collusion with Congress and the rest of the machine, said, "Hey, I've got a great idea, let's sucker people into surrendering their freedom of independent thought by taking these completely transparent opinion leaders and using their influence to sell the gullible sheep of America a bunch of crap they don't need! That way, they'll think they're super important, lose what little voice they have and inadvertently give up their self-determination though pacification and debt accumulation!" That (fascist) sounds (fascist) suspiciously (fascist) familiar (fascist)...

How and when this reversal of focus started would make for some startling revelations, I'm sure...or a killer dissertation.

You should check out:
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Synthetik by Komputer...if you like Kraftwerk and/or were lucky enough to stumble over I Start Counting or Fortran 5 in the late 80's or 90's, this is the disc for you

(3) Comments

  1. dystemper909 On December 1, 2007 at 11:19 AM

    I've pretty much become disgusted with Americans lately. I saw the reports of Americans spending $20 billion dollars IN ONE DAY on Black Friday. All I could think was: "Why couldn't they spend only $10 billion and use the other $10 billion to feed hungry people or pay some of the medical bills for people who can't afford insurance?" It's sickening. They would rather watch Beyonce jiggle her shit hawking DirecTV and buy some more useless crap than actually do something worthwhile. Bah humbug!

     
    Anonymous On December 3, 2007 at 6:55 AM

    You are absolutely right. We're all so consumed with materialism, money, and fame that we're afraid to go against the grain (and do what used to be cool) and challenge our leaders by exercising our constitutional rights. Those are the "family" values I miss. Not the values that have to do with church going and sitting around the table looking perfect. I miss the values that connect me with my mind, my heart, my fellow Americans and awaken that spirit of pride and honor that we all express in our own way. I really miss what America used to be and hopefully we'll get back on track with a change of guard in 2008. This administration has been the poster child of corruption of our people, our laws, and spirit. I hope Bush goes to jail.

     
    Unknown On December 3, 2007 at 7:55 AM

    Smoking Cupcakin':

    Hello! It is Stacie. I have not seen you since Julyish when we were at the C Lounge and watching old hoochies gesticulate wildly. Hope all is well.

    I really thought "Pimp Juice" was bad marketing. Isn't the big elephant in the room that, if I drink said 'Pimping' juice that I will, as the vernacular alleges, be 1. Pimp-like, which conjures up images of to-die-for suits or 2. to be 'Big Pimpin'", meaning on the top of all my shit---which includes bling, bitches and/or requisite ho's? I find this redundant. If I am 'pimpin'-- or even just a hint of pimpin'-- then I already have pimp-like qualities in the first place and do not need said Pimp Juice-- at least that is what the guy at the Citgo told me.