Right out of the oven:
Hanky-panky with park bench leads to ill-timed encounter with police, emergency workers…Got a beef with City Hall? Why not send them a pair of edible goat testicles!...I wonder if it’s mandatory that you be completely hammered before taking the stage as Ted Kennedy while performing at, ahem, political karaoke?…Squirrel on “nut hunt” (Spiegel Online’s words, not mine) puts the smack down on TV broadcast…Brutus the bull mistakes owner for pin cushion…Speaking of bulls, Mr. Zantrex The Bull reacts badly to being spray-painted with blue food coloring…Don’t people like Robert Infantino always seem to A) have nicknames like “Long Island’s Favorite Magician” and B) claim things like peeping and possessing child porn are big misunderstandings?...And finally, the things they have to live with in Australia – Melbourne jogger runs afoul of AWOL kangaroo and pays for it with impromptu boxing lesson.
The “everyone is asking the wrong question” moment of the week:
Since Sen. McCain’s August 29th announcement of Gov. Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential choice, everyone on both sides of the aisle has been going crazy over her qualifications, background and personal life. Not that this furor should be unexpected, nor is it unwarranted despite Sen. Obama having said repeatedly that Palin’s personal life should not have anything to do with being considered for President. I guess the way Obama sees it, Bush got a free ride twice on the personal background ticket so why challenge it – let’s win on merit instead. And remember, Bush’s rides came despite him being an admitted recovered alcoholic (maybe), an alleged draft dodger, an alleged cocaine abuser and, in general (no alleged here), the world’s worst businessman. If issues of this magnitude didn’t matter in 2000 and 2004, why should they matter with respect to a lowly VP nominee? In the immediate, Palin's issues - excuse the pun - pale in comparison to the one question everyone should be asking: What happened to all the other astronomically more qualified suitors for the VP slot?
Is John McCain, decorated war veteran, long time public servant, dedicated father and owner of who-knows-how-many-homes actually expecting me to believe that this was his best choice? Is he expecting me to believe that since he shored up the nomination six full months ago, this was the yield of his scouting labor? Are we to be confident in her even though he made this decision after only meeting with Palin for the first time the day before he asked her to run with him. What happened to Charlie Christ? What happened to Mitt Romney? What happened to Rudy? I’m so mystified that I’m even asking what happened to Mike Huckabee! Are we expected to believe that all of these guys got beat out by a 21st Century version of June Cleaver that can get you a good deal on a snow-mobile? I mean, let’s face it, no one gets along great and I know McCain had his problems with Huckabee, Rudy and Romney during the primaries, but if Biden could get away with the Fuzzy Zoeller Award of the Year and still get picked, than surely fences could have been mended. How can McCain possibly reconcile the numerous ideological differences between himself and his running mate in a convincing enough fashion to win?
Life is truly stranger than fiction...which leads me to believe that one of three things is happening here:
- The former top options all removed themselves from consideration because they don’t want to be on a ticket that gets drubbed in November.
- George Lucas has overthrown Karl Rove for control of the Republican Party and is desperately trying to make up for those shitty Star Wars prequels by showing he can write drama.
- McCain will yet be proven right. Gov. Palin will show that she indeed possess talents not yet visible to the naked eye and will prove everyone wrong through staunch political savvy, undeniable mastery of issues – both domestic and foreign, exemplary oratorical skills and a complete lobotomization that will make her palatable to anyone who: still believes in the Theory of Evolution; anyone not living in Alaska, Montana, Wyoming or any other locale where you pack heat waiting for the Russians to invade; anyone who thinks the government should mind its own f***ing business when it comes to what we do with our bodies, etc, etc…Naturally, none of those things came through successfully in the acceptance speech that was written for her at the RNC. Unless, of course, you consider success to be transparent jingoism, baseless attacks on the opposition (e.g., raising taxes - don't the Republicans have anything else they can use?!), a total lack of policy discussion (oh, pardon me, she did mention drilling for oil several times), yadda, yadda, yadda - don't believe me? Read the transcript for yourself here. Outside of the few zingers lobbed Obama's way, her speech was an insult.
So, The Cupcake is still left scratching his head. Any way you slice it, the thing that scares me the most is that the First-Son-In-Law might be this guy (nice mullet by the way) in another 4 months.
You should check out:
The soundtrack to Rumble Fish by Stewart Copeland – drummer from The Police creates an unforgettable soundscape to one of the most overlooked movies of the 1980’s. Added bonus? You get to hear Stan Ridgway from Wall of Voodoo sing something other than Mexican Radio.