Right out of the oven:

Trouser snake meets real (and real venomous) brown snake during roadside stop for bladder relief...A fair assumption is that Gordon Russell Cromwell has seen Pulp Fiction a few too many times…Last week it was the child-molesting magician (surely you remember “Long Island’s Favorite Magician”), this week it’s “Trim-Trim the Clown” getting popped for, naturally, child molestation…Newly hired Principal teaches 4th and 5th graders “lesson” with bag of poop…Since we’re talking feces – memo to all petty parking lot thieves: if you’re being chased on foot by the two dudes whose truck you just broke into, avoid port-o-lets at all costs…An “unusually aggressive bear” boards Vancouver boat to eat salmon fisherman (great bear action-shot!)…And finally, in other bear news this week, drunk zoo employee in mood to hug enters panda enclosure and, to no one’s surprise, leaves with severe wounds to leg, arm (another great bear action-shot!).

The “now it’s all making sense” moment of the week:

Well, the smoke has cleared (depending on where you’re sitting) and it’s become quite evident why McCain selected Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin: if he had nominated anyone with any legitimate experience and a platform and/or resume worth talking about, this election would have stayed squarely focused on issues. Instead, we’re getting a lot of bobbing and weaving (almost 2 full weeks after her nomination, Mrs. Palin is finally giving a solo interview), absurd allegations (“lipstick on a pig”) and a complete smoke-screen of dirty politics that has all but relegated Obama-Biden to Ed “Second Banana” McMahon status. What’s more is that, in concert with the claims of gutless right-wing parrots like Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity that she’s not getting a fair shake in the media despite wildly positive coverage thus far, only scant coverage has focused on how under-qualified and extreme Palin is. I’ve heard how great her speech at the convention was. I’ve heard how she appeals to undecided moderates (if this is the case, that voting-block needs to be renamed). I’ve even heard how she’s overshadowing McCain in popularity.
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So, in what will surely be a vain effort to counteract the overwhelming impression that this “hockey mom” is something other than what we’ve been told, I’ve spent the last week collecting some facts about Sarah Palin that few want to acknowledge:

- While Barrack Obama was community organizing on the South Side of Chicago, Sarah Palin was a local television sports broadcaster, not the Mayor of Wasilla, AK. What was I thinking? Her belittling was spot on – why would anyone admire a kid just out of college that worked on behalf of people who had (and still have) very little hope in one of the most depressed areas of the country more than a sports broadcaster with a cool nickname?

- Her “important” stint as Mayor, once it finally arrived (Obama was already a State Senator at this juncture) – the cornerstone of her alleged qualifications as compared to Obama – came in a town of about 6,000 people. She won her second term by a margin of about 800 votes, though only about 1,200 people voted. By comparison, Barrack Obama won his second term in the Illinois State Senate by a margin of 45,000 votes.

- As Mayor, Palin apparently considered having certain books removed from the pubic library and then had the librarian fired when it was indicated that that move would be unwelcome.

- In an apparent grudge-reaction, Palin has been tied to the illegal firing of her former brother-in-law, a state-employee. As of today, her husband is now being investigated by the State of Alaska for his role in the scandal.

- Palin has gone on record saying she doesn’t think humans have anything to do with global warming, yet flip flops on the issue a la John Kerry.

- Like Elwood Blues, Palin is convinced that our troops in Iraq are on a “mission from God”.

- For some reason, Palin thinks Iraq had something to do with the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001. Good thing the troops are on a mission from God.

- Palin is a strict Christian that has gone on record advocating the teaching of fiction (read: The Bible) alongside the teaching of strongly supported scientific theory (read: On the Origin of Species) in pubic schools – for however long she’d allow public schools to remain a staple of the American dream. Of course, if the Republicans keep running the economy, there won’t be an American dream left to take advantage of.

- And, while we’re on her religion, the right-wing media (a.k.a. the mainstream media) have repeatedly hassled anyone making even a remotely critical reference to Palin’s religious affiliation as “bashing” – I guess they would know all about that tactic given the bashing Kerry took in 2004 for having had the integrity to A) volunteer for Vietnam (Bush dodged the draft) and B) voicing his well-considered opinion about it after he served admirably.

- Palin is staunchly anti-choice when it comes to abortion, so much so she would be against it even in the case of her own daughter being raped.

- In addition to the numerous falsehoods made by her Republican colleagues at the convention, she herself blatantly lied on at least three occasions.

I let the facts speak for themselves. What little evidence The Cupcake has presented here should tell you the only fact that is of any importance: not only is Palin ill-prepared, but she poses a massive threat to the integrity of public servants, our civil liberties and the fine line between church and state. It’s a shame no one else is reporting her story in these terms. It looks like the media are fine with giving the “Straight Talk Express” a free ride right into the White House.

You should check out:

An EP Collection by Balun; obscure lo-fi, Aphex Twinish outfit that benefits from being less Aphex Twin and more lo-fi. Honorable mentions for the week include: the return of Oasis and the pre-Dig Out Your Soul-release track “Falling Down,” and both new Chemical Brothers tracks (“Keep My Composure” & “Midnight Madness”) featured on their unnecessary 2nd “best of” compilation Brotherhood (though the album does come with an allegedly badass bonus disc of “Electronic Battle Weapon” versions 1-9).