Right out of the oven:

An uncharacteristically photogenic Akon pleads not guilty to fan-tossing charges despite lawyer's claim that it was a "spontaneous reaction during a live concert that Akon deeply regrets." Hmmmmm, interesting defense strategy...Montel Williams makes his demolitions expertise public knowledge by threatening to blow up newspaper intern, staff...Damn, can't W get anything right?! (and, by the way, someone needs to get Tony Blair on some serious drugs cuz its evident from this Barney-cam train wreck that he's in denial about the whole getting-kicked-out-of-office-
thanks-to-his-affiliation-with-Bush "thing")...Interesting Kangaroo factoid of the week: they can swim, they just can't box and swim at the same time...Interesting masturbation-accident factoid of the week: if you get a big metal ring stuck around Mr. Johnson, try using a hand grinder...Reason 537 to never go hang-gliding, followed closely by reason 538...And finally, Bishop Thomas Ray Clute shows vandals who's boss by restoring his oft vandalized holiday display: "It's very vulgar some of the things they do with the stuff and write on it, but I just tell them and we come back. We replace it all and make it look like it never happened" - I'm taking a wild guess that this guy has never done any of the following: thrown darts, taken target practice, shopped at Target, seen the film Targets...

The "I wanted to throw up after that Barney-cam thing, but then I came across this" moment of the week:

So, for those of you that read my last post indicting pop stars for their willingness to hawk anything and everything for money, I present as corroborative evidence, verbatim, the latest fragrance copy for "L", the new frangrance "developed" by former punk-rebel-shit kicker and current poser-sell-out-and-apparent-chemist, Gwen Stefani (emphasis and observations added):

"Dillard's is pleased to introduce L, the new L.A.M.B. fragrance by Gwen Stefani. The iconic style of Gwen Stefani pushes boundaries beyond music and fashion (Ozzy Osbourne pushes the boundaries beyond music and fashion...) in this debut scent. The signature fragrance is a masculine and feminine fusion (Ooooo, sounds too intersting to ignore, truly ground breaking!). The luscious floral scent is bursting with sparkling freshness and notes of watery greens, and wraps you in the warmth of sensual musks (Are we buying perfume or getting a spa treatment?). L, a L.A.M.B. fragrance by Gwen Stafani, is available as eau de parfum spray, shower gel, and body lotion (Of course it comes in all 3 - America is all about options!) at Dillard's, dillards.com, or by calling 800-345-5273." (Courtesy of, Vanity Fair, November 2007, p. 32)

Wow. Disturbing is, I think, a pretty apt word for this...

Right out of the oven:

In case you're still looking for Christmas gift ideas for that special someone in your life, Demeter Fragrance Library proudly presents: Play-Doh Cologne...Kangaroo quits his "mob" in favor of making humans look stupid...British teacher in Sudan executes "poor judgment" (otherwise known everywhere else in our solar system as completely rational, sane judgment) by letting her 7-year old pupils select the "M-name" to recognize their class, ahem, teddy bear...Predictably, local radicals deem the prison sentence for her transgression too lenient and, instead, call for her execution ...Seemingly-can't-miss reverse penis-psychology (pop-up warning) fails to sway jury...As Steve Martin once exclaimed, "He hates these cans!" - to that, I give you, "He hates these ox testicles!"...Let's see, I've heard of dog fights, cock fights, prize fights, bull fights and cat fights, but sledgehammer fights?...And finally, fake-bar-employee slashes actual-bar-patron's face over unpaid $4.50 tab after they both got thrown out...

Seinfeldian moment of the week:

In an odd twist of fate, the formerly great Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams had yet another comeback cut short last Monday night. If it was anyone else, I would consider a routine, season-ending injury a shame, but given the bar this guy has set, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, what happened to the Ricky that used to compress himself in his locker due to a major psychological disorder? Or the Ricky that used to wear his eye-shielded football helmet while conducting post-game interviews? Or how 'bout the Ricky that decided to live in a tee pee? Whatever happened to the 2002 league rushing champion who gave it all up after declaring dope-smoking his #1 priority? I miss that Ricky. I was looking forward to welcoming that Ricky back into the fold.

Unfortunately for all of us out there awaiting the next head-scratching move from #34, he went quietly this time by running the ball on Monday night a mere 6 times. On his 5th run, he got "stepped on" and after attempting a 6th run, he left the game injured only to find out later that the torn chest muscle he received in the aforementioned "stepping" incident will render him out for the remainder of the season.

Wow, after 2 years in football purgatory (aka Canada), multiple off-the-field issues and a career that, thus far, closely resembles the EKG read-out of a heart-attack victim, I was expecting a little more than a season-ending game-related injury. He could have at least injured himself at home using a weed whacker (pun intended) or something. Oh well, at least he'll be back in 2008, healed up and ready to go. Well, maybe he'll be back...

Did you ever notice?

So, the other day The Smoking Cupcake was flipping through a recently purchased copy of MAD Magazine - yes, that MAD Magazine - and came across a very prescient observation: it used to be seen as honorable for pop-culture icons to avoid product endorsements and cool to speak their minds. That made me think...whatever happened to that code? Since reading that comic, I've noticed idiot pop-stars everywhere hawking clothes (Fergie), perfume (Diddy) and even cable subscriptions (Beyonce). Cable TV...you've got to be kidding me?! And of course, when pop stars endorse something remotely meaningful like, say, free speech (Dixie Chicks), they're boycotted and kicked out of the hive for creating a disturbance. So, to this I ask: If its inappropriate for me to hear The Dixie Chicks' opinions on The President, then how is it not inappropriate to hear how great Beyonce thinks Direct TV is? Does she know anything about microwaves and fiber-optics? My guess is a resounding no. So, why are poeple more inclined to take her word for choosing cable, yet scoff at the opinions of fellow taxpayers?

When did the priorities of our populace get so screwed up and what sort of example is it that we revere a pop star for telling us how great his vitamin drink is (50 Cent - glad to know he's into nutrition, I would have never figured...) yet show nothing but disdain for those that attempt to get people thinking about how screwed up their country is by exercising free speech? I think at somepoint someone on Madison Avenue, in collusion with Congress and the rest of the machine, said, "Hey, I've got a great idea, let's sucker people into surrendering their freedom of independent thought by taking these completely transparent opinion leaders and using their influence to sell the gullible sheep of America a bunch of crap they don't need! That way, they'll think they're super important, lose what little voice they have and inadvertently give up their self-determination though pacification and debt accumulation!" That (fascist) sounds (fascist) suspiciously (fascist) familiar (fascist)...

How and when this reversal of focus started would make for some startling revelations, I'm sure...or a killer dissertation.

You should check out:

Synthetik by Komputer...if you like Kraftwerk and/or were lucky enough to stumble over I Start Counting or Fortran 5 in the late 80's or 90's, this is the disc for you

Driver's Ed instructor institutes unique training method involving a carrot and his pants...surfing the Internet often leads to finds of epic proportion; for example, did'ya ever notice the pimp in Superman: The Movie? What about Mr. Kinney from RoboCop? Or how 'bout those poor bastards Doctors Hunter, Kimball and Kaminsky from the U.S.S. Discovery?...When antelopes attack: Abe the Bongo Antelope gores handler with horns after disagreement over who was going to sleep in the barn...Woman hits giraffe with car in South Carolina; I've been telling people for years that those South Carolina giraffes are vicious...Local youths (or as Vincent Gambini would say, 'yutes) pull the old bait and switch, replacing man's elaborate Halloween display with giant can of Mountain Dew - someone needs to sign these boys up as Presidential campaign pranksters while there's still a chance...Poncho the alligator assists the Sweetwater, FL Police Department in burglary bust by eating perp...And finally, giving new meaning to that old adage about using everything you've got, Mario Gomez leads Vfb Stuttgart to victory with his penis...

Its shit like this that's gonna bring the situation to a head - The Jules Winnfield Observation of the Week:

Recent news of the Clinton campaign's event-question planting raises more than a few, uhm, questions and brings back several bad memories. In addition, the story appears to be gaining some traction, as it should, headlining on the front page of CNN.com throughout the day today (11/13) and appearing with varying levels of visibility on other outlets' sites such as The New York Times, FOX News and the L.A. Times. Surprisingly, the always-ready-to-bash- Democrats-named-Clinton FOX News rendered this story less important than Fred Thompson (speaking of needing some traction...) getting the National Right to Life Committee's endorsement. Perhaps FOX News is fair and balanced! Just kidding...the Cupcake's guess is that abortion stories trump Clinton-gaffe stories 9 out of 10 times in Conservative American media, especially on FOX News. In any event, I certainly hope this question-planting story gains a lot of traction because it highlights the main drawback I've had about Hillary from the very beginning, the very drawback I've been preaching to both my Republican and Democratic friends from the get-go: The artificiality and shiftiness of Hillary, and now her campaign, is something to be considered very seriously and something to be extremely concerned about. Don't vote blindly because you hate W or love Bill. Hillary is not the antithesis of W and makes Bill look like he invented the word genuine. The Smoking Cupcake is, of course, not going to run out and get on the Romney train or get box-seats the next time Barrack Obama's 2008 World Tour comes to town, but I am not going to blindly follow the center-left's obsession with getting Hillary (or any Democrat) elected at all costs for the sake of trying - and I stress the word trying - to undo the Bush administration's multiple failures if they can't walk the talk. Her candidacy, indeed her post-White House political career, has been nothing more than a well-orchestrated smoke and mirror show to get her to this point. She has to prove she's got ideas, as well as balls, and this incident supports the long-held notion that she's got neither. People wonder why this country is so apathetic when it comes to the way its led and who does the leading. You need look no further than students being strong-armed into suppressing their voices in exchange for status-quo campaign staff-fed questions so as to avoid making the candidate answer a legitimate inquiry. Where is Mr. Democratic Process in this scenario? Clearly, he's in the bathroom taking a dump, or perhaps he's off in a corner sleeping on the job. Who knows, but I'm not so idealistic to turn a blind eye to the fact that most campaigns do things like question-planting. The problem here is the slick and shifty way the campaign and the candidate have thus far dealt with this PR nightmare. My guess is, should she get elected, we would all do well to get used to the lack of genuineness and the sheer artificiality of the Hillary we've seen so far.

You should check out:

You don't need to know who Joy Division were, nor do you need to know who Ian Curtis was, to enjoy Control. Although I am admittedly partial to the band (and all of its offspring), this film is essential viewing. The fact that someone had the balls to even make it says it all...

Lagrange Point: the five positions in an orbital configuration where a small object affected only by gravity can theoretically be stationary relative to two larger objects

Every once in a while life has Lagrange Points. Perfection slips in and out of reality, yet sometimes it can hold the line and maintain its integrity far after, theoretically, it should have dissolved. There are a few things in The Smoking Cupcake's life that have achieved - and thankfully maintained - Lagrange Points. Some of these revolve around an absolute synchronicty between people I know (e.g., Mrs. Cupcake, Isaac, etc.), others revolve around media (e.g., Electronic's first album, Thief, etc.) and still others are preserved as the most tender, real and sacred days past. Today, most likely in concert with much else contributing to this phenomenon - time with a certain respected celebrity friend, a center at work whose fragility simply refused to hold, unexpected conversations with the sincerest of old friends, etc. - I came upon an album that caught me by such surprise (though it shouldn't have), I can consider the experience a true Lagrange Point to add to all the others.

What album you ask? Mary Star of the Sea by ZWAN.

This album had been recommended to me by so many people that know me, I'm ashamed that its taken me more than 6 years from its release to actually give it a listen (apologies around, especially to Cian's sweet mother)...Nevertheless, I've finally gotten around to it. After hearing it now for the 4th time in a mere 4 hours, what surprises me the most about my reluctance to listen to it upon its release is that Billy Corgan cut it almost immediately on top of his brief stint as a contributing member of New Order during the Get Ready sessions and that album's pre-release mini-tour. I guess, never being a huge Pumpkins fan (blasphemy!), my subconscious reluctance precluded a college-try of a listen back in 2001. I couldn't have underestimated an artist or a record or a vibe more than I did with this absolutely brilliant stab at superstardom redux.

This is a true grower, gaining importance with every listen as the layers, both musically and lyrically, come out like a Seurat. Moreover, as you peel away these layers and superimpose them on the era that it was recorded, Mary Star of the Sea quickly bridges that flux between the death of Britpop, the disintegration of great Emo and the incoming wave of neo-post-punk (see The Killers) that was the early 2000's - fucking fantastic, yet unclassifiable. Imagine, if you will, Carnival of Light era RIDE mixed with Technique. A bitter and unthinkable [or even unfathomable to the uninitiated] proposition, true. Yet, in 2001, it seemed a perfect proposition to anyone that lived through both Shoegaze and Madchester. It suspends a time that never really existed - a Lagrange Point if you will.

Fucking brilliant. The perfect album for those waning days of summer, even if its already autumn.

Right out of the oven:

Apparently, Will Smith doesn't think his career has had enough misfires - this idea sounds like a steaming turd of a mistake before it even sees the end of the tunnel (I guess next they'll let Adam Sandler helm a remake of Rocky)...High riding tensions in the School of Media Arts at Chicago's Columbia College lead to donkey cock, firings...I don't know, after scaling 29,035 ft. at temperatures hovering around 14 degree Fahrenheit, maybe you'd feel like taking your clothes off too...Kansas has its share of problems: tornadoes, harsh winters, renegade llamas...Leave it to a bunch of clowns to open up shop in a country where they routinely execute cabinet ministers and military leaders for going against the grain...Good times go bad when skunk gets yogurt container stuck on head...And finally; German tourist who allegedly threatened to kill passengers on board by opening an exit door at 30,000 feet learns how not to get a free in-flight cocktail the hard way...

Scary George W. Bush moment of the week:

About a month ago I posted a link for a recent Congressional Research Service report outlining the many problems associated with employing private security contractors in war zones like Iraq and Afghanistan. Unfortunately for all of us, this intriguing document came much too late as Blackwater, the largest private security contractor in both Iraq and Afghanistan, has recently been bathed in negative headlines, showing itself to be a less than great investment for American goodwill around the globe. For example, its evident from every report The Cupcake has read, most notably this eyewitness account about the Heat-style shootout on the streets of Baghdad on September 16th, that no matter which one it is, the contractors our government has hired operate well outside of normal military protocol. With an air of recklessness already imbedded in my mind from the Iraq mess, I then came across this deplorable story of a seemingly avoidable 2004 plane crash in Afghanistan where a plane piloted by Blackwater contractors deliberately altered course to make their own attempt at the Kessel Run that resulted in the deaths of everyone aboard, including the three U.S. troops that Blackwater had been tasked with transporting. Infuriating you say? Of course. Preventable? Not necessarily. Why? Two words - corporate malfeasance. Until this country wakes up and places the defense of our nation squarely on our military's shoulders once again rather than on mercenaries who are better paid, financed and supplied, corporate malfeasance will be the reason we lose in Iraq, Afghanistan and God knows where else. If our military fails its our fault. If a contractor screws up its their fault. Disgraceful...and all this under the keen, watchful eye of W, self-appointed "Savior of the Middle East." You're doin' a heck of a job Bushie, keep it up!
11th Hour Disclaimer: For any right-leaning readers out there quick to label me anti-military or anti-Iraq or whatever, U.S. military reports made available just this morning (10/5/07) clearly indicate the 9/16 Blackwater incident in Baghdad was completely unprovoked.

Is there (a more tormented soul than O.J. Simpson - as asked a couple weeks ago)?

Yes, as a matter of fact a new candidate has emerged...Michael Vick has definitely entered O.J.'s orbit by having those nasty, yet totally not-unexpected, state charges brought against him. Then, as if dodging defenders and cutting hard for the end-zone for one of his patented whipped-cream-on-shit touchdown runs, it then emerged that he failed a September 13th drug test. The Cupcake will be the first person to say that the Michael Vick circus that came to town all those moons ago has indeed gotten out of hand and has, in most circles, worn out its welcome. However, did anyone bother to notice that he apologized, showed contrition, accepted responsibility and found Jesus on August 27th, yet didn't test positive for dope until the 13th of September? Clearly, that 2 week-period was life-altering to the point where he was able to get his priorities straight and get his life back on track - giving him the benefit of the doubt, one can only assume he was reading the Bible high as fuck. Way to keep keepin' it real Mike.

You should check out: Once Upon A Time in the West by Hard-Fi...following up an album as good as Stars of CCTV was daring enough, for it to be this superb is an accomplishment of epic proportions